There's days when I felt like shit from start but there are also days when i felt like shit at midday..... and the worst of all today is the day I felt like shit before going to bed.
I havent finished studying..... the stuff I wanted to study
Not that I cared anyway because I had enough of caring. The more I cared the more things turned out the other way than the way I had wished it to be.
It had been known to me....
My insecurities as a human being.... as a living person........
I had never faced a situation like this before how'd you'd expect me to act????
The world seem so out of place. Everything is so rotten. Everything is so full of deceit and trickery that I had stopped looking out for them and just step into their trap for it was pointless to resist anyway.
tell me why God put me on Earth?
Is it to fade away my existence into the background watching how everyone make it while I remain behind? Or just to play my part on this stage called Earth then be tossed out like trash like it never had a significant value from the start.
god I am so confused.
My heart had never been so easily broken before now is breaking apart like it was its nature to do so.
My feelings that I had controlled for the years flowed out of me like there wasn't a barrier to begin with.
When this change happen? because I have no record of it in my mind.
Looking at people around me. Content with what they have makes me sick to the core........
Content with something so........ useless..... pointless.
What the hell are they thinking anyway?!
Fine, I am done caring. The more I care the more it backfires on me.
Goodness repaid with kindness?
Yea right! Hah! The only payment you get for being a good guy is being stepped on. And overlooked.
Everyone around me is so fake.
So fake that it sickens me.
I can't even find refuge in God anymore because God seemed so distant......
"Open my heart and I shall receive"
But after that day, I had closed my heart to the world and placed a fake it its place.
A heart full of sadness and regret, masked by happiness and cheerfulness. with each passing day, my real heart rots away....... intwined in the vines of hopelessness, insecurities and futility that no mater how I try..... no matter how hard I struggle........... it will still end up in the same results.
Whatever....... I don't care anymore.
I am too tired to care anymore.
And things around me is not worth my energy and time to care anymore.
My own way, my own path. Nobody in the way..... just me and the trail ahead.
if I have to pay everything I own to return my innocence and for this fog of ignorance to cloud my eyes again......
Hmph. Is that even a need for thought?
I'd pay it gladly.
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21 comments:
haha~ i've known the fact that all humans are fake since years ago. you've written down most of the things that i wish to post on my blog at times. but meh~ daijoubu :D like i'd said to you, eichi-sama will always support Hil-chan one =D *pentok*
now who is the emo one here?haha =p
anyway no matter how fake this world may be, no matter how hopeless things may seem, NEVER give up hope. i've learnt that. bcoz hope brings us thru difficult times, bcoz hope gives us the strength to smile to storms, bcoz hope gives us the faith to face uncertainties.
hmm...God...u know the air you breathe? it's always there though we cant see or touch it, never one second it leaves u, just that bcoz we depend so much on it sometimes we neglect its existence. God is more tha that =)
"everyone around me so fake"
that's very true, y'know. everyone wears a mask. some cuz they hate themselves. some cuz they want to try to be better. we can take it one way or another, and the truth can be one way or another.
of course, not all the masks harm the wearer and the people around; beneficial, in other words.
but the time will come when that mask will be broken down. and it needs to be. then our true selfs will show. your mask? either you need to take it off completely, or use a "mask" that actually helps.
That's so sad, Hilary...sob..sob..and
so true...The world sucks...everyone is lying...no one cares...good guys get step on...life is so meaningless...Why should we even be alive?Why should we exist if we are fated to be stepped upon, hurt in every way available?we are just a comedy right? Just an insignificant actor who is destined to be swept away from the stage...So, let's do it Hilary!let's escape from all those lies and hurts...let's end our insignificant life..right now...on our own choosing!You will do it with me, right?after all, you said you don't care anymore...there shouldn't be anything holding you back in this rotten world, right?
Let's pick a date...a place and a time, shall we?what's the easiest,fastest way to die?how bout jumping of from the fifth floor?err...will we be dead when we hit the ground?Or maybe hanging our self would be better?...
Btw..you weren't lying in your post, were you?
You weren't lying right?...right?
now that's plain stupid.
Dude, i miss you bro. Its been like what, a year since we last met? Wait 6 months. Well man, at the end of the day, after all is said and done you will have to hold true to yourself.
Life was never meant to be easy bro, you knew that a long time ago. Its just gonna get harder each passing moment.
Hope? Nah, its easier said than done. God? Its easier preached than practice.
All i can say is that sometimes you have to stand for yourself believe in the choices you have made.No regrets, no thoughts or what ifs. Sure the world can be cruel as shit, people can be fake ass bastards.... does that dictate who you are? Will that be what changes you? Will you allow yourself to succumb to what the world wants? Bitter,hopeless,faithless,spiteful? Or are you gonna think for yourself and be your own man?
God will always be there for you brother, trust me he always pulls "true".... He might take his time though, so in the mean time take care of yourself and watch your back. Remember you have love ones too, friends and family. Bro parents love is unconditional, always rmbr you can run back to that for some respite. Life aint easy, you just gotsta buck up and forge on ahead. Come what may, live and let die bro.Live and let die.
A humankind begins sneering his discernment teeth the initially time he bites on holiday more than he can chew.
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I don't like the sound of all those lists he's making - it's like taking too innumerable notes at seminary; you feel you've achieved something when you haven't.
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